Babel Clash

It’s till next time!

Jaye and I always love coming over to Babel Clash, and Dane has done a great job by us. So thanks to him, to Borders, and to everyone who visited while we were here.

As for me, my fourth book, Eye of the Tempest, comes out at the end of July. I’m waiting on final cover art, buy buttons, and the lot, but then I’ll have my Jane True Series tab on my website full of info for book four. In the meantime, you can go there to find info on books 1-3.

If you think you’d like to take a shot at my series, and you live in the USA, you’re just in time. For, starting tomorrow, Orbit’s offering Tempest Rising as their digital Orbital Drop offer at just $2.99.

If you have any questions for me, drop me a line at iheartselkies(at)gmail(dot)com, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook. I love to stay connected.

Till next time!

I think the title of this blog says it all.  Jaye and Nicole were first on the blog when I was getting the Babel Clash torch passed to me from Terry.  So, in a way, I learned the ropes while Jaye and Nicole treated us all to some great blogging.  They were also one of the first pair of authors I booked for the blog after I took over.  It’s because of all this that I’m slightly bummed to say that today is Jaye and Nicole’s last day on the blog (for now).  As is typical Babel Clash tradition, please use today for any last words and plugs for past, present, and future work.  You’ve given us two great weeks of blogging, so offering a spot to plug away is the least I can do!  Jaye…Nicole, the floor is yours.

Because it’s a revolving door of author awesomeness here at Babel Clash, I need to dry my tear immediately because the blog remains in good hands!  Starting tomorrow, we’ve got Joe Abercrombie and Anton Strout strapping on the gloves for a no holds barred geek battle! 

Joe Abercrombie is the author of the the First Law Trilogy and Best Served Cold.  His most recent novel, currently available in stores and on borders.com, is The Heroes.  His latest takes place during a three-day battle set within the First Law world.  If you like you’re fantasy novels on the grittier side, then you can end your search with Abercrombie!  Trust, there’s more than just grit to his books though!

Joining Joe is Anton Strout, the author responsible for bringing us Simon Canderous and the DEA (Department of Extraordinary Affairs).  The 4th Simon Canderous novel, Dead Waters, hit shelves last week, and will make all urban fantasy fans happy.  This time around, the psychometrist is working on solving the mysterious death of a professor that hits a little too close to home for Inspectre Quimbley. 

Please join me in saying so long for now to Jaye and Nicole, while welcoming Joe and Anton with open arms! 

In comments about Jaye’s post on Tuesday, I saw something we’re all used to seeing: a little vampire hatin’.

For all of you out there who hate the vampire, Imma let you finish.

But let me just say something first . . .

I get it that there are a lot of people who see Twilight as the sort of cultural monolith they have to scorn. It’s the scorn version of a rubber mallet hitting an elbow. After all, the Twilight phenomenon is huge. It sparkles. Teen girls love it so much they swoon, while their moms, embarrassingly enough, are right there with them.

Personally, I love that Twilight got young people reading. I love seeing message boards where–rather than just imbibing Twilight’s mixed bag of messages as if they were custard–young girls debate those messages. And I love it when I get an older teen reader who writes to me, “I loved Twilight when I was younger. But I wanted something more. Then I found Jane.”

In my secret fantasies, I consider Jane the Anti-Bella, but we won’t get into that.

What I will get into is that vampires aren’t the enemies. All of the centuries of amazing mythology coming from every single corner of the globe should not be dismissed. The fact that vampires  have terrified the human race for centuries, in multiple incarnations, should not be dismissed. They fact that the act of sucking life essence from our bodies is a fear so primordial and so charismatic we’ve had to touch upon it, as a species and throughout our existence, should not be dismissed.

The fact vampires offer up a raft of double penetration jokes should not be dismissed.

And yes, vampires have been silly over the centuries. Let’s not forgive the legendary goat-sucker, the chupacabra. But vampires have also always fascinated humanity. Indeed, why they’ve always fascinated humans gives us such insight into our own dark depths. They are, after all, the walking embodiment of that mystifying connection between thanatos and eros–between death and sex. Even the Twilight series, in its admittedly awkward and rather puerile way, tried to work out just how this connection functions for us, and why it rivets us as a species.

In other words, don’t blame the vampire for how it’s been portrayed. It couldn’t help Gary Oldman’s boob wig any more than it could help the sparkles.

All it wants to do is live happily, seducing mortals with its unholy offerings of pleasure and death. All it wants is our blood, our souls, and our bodies. And throughout history, humans as a species have been helpless not to want to give in.

Last Friday, Jaye discussed how she likes to take familiar or famous settings and give them a little twist. Riffing on that idea, I’m going to to tell you about how I like to use settings. Which is to visit them, first, and then write about them, second.

I’m by no means saying one has to travel everywhere one writes about. The fact is, I have the travel bug. It takes the form of itchy feet and antsies in my pantsies. If I don’t travel somewhere, anywhere, at least once a month, I start to second guess my entire existence. Why am I working this hard if I haven’t packed a bag and gone somewhere recently?

My frenetic traveling is not normal, to be honest, and it’s also only possible because I’ve got two jobs and I’m a lone wolf (which is romantic for utterly alone). But it’s what I do. I travel whenever I get the chance.

And I have to tell you: if traveling’s by no means a requirement for writing, it is very much an absolutely inspiring way to write. The sights, smells, and rhythms of life in a new place get under your skin, and you start imagining what your characters would do in that market, or what a new character would be like if she was from this city, or how your protagonists would interact in this particular cafe.

I’ve definitely mined my own life for my locations. I love Maine, and was only recently in Eastport. I went to school in Boston, where book two takes place. As a student at BU, we’d often go up to Montreal to drink and eat stinky cheese, tracing a rather similar trail of hedonism as Ryu and Jane in book one. Finally, book three is all over the place, but all the settings are places from my life. For example, I grew up in a city called Aurora, IL, that looks strikingly similar to Borealis, I’m now living outside of Pittsburgh.

Books five and six, meanwhile, are taking us international. I did my PhD in Scotland, and cross the pond about twice a year to visit friends. So book five is going to take place in England and book six will journey north into Scotland. All are set in the cities I either know well, like London and Edinburgh, or have been learning on my recent trips, like Brighton and York.

Why do I do this, you ask? First of all, it’s because I want my books to be an adventure for me and for my readers. When I write Jane into a new place, I feel I have to learn it, first. It’s a challenge to me, as a researcher and a writer. And I then want to share that place with my reader: another challenge to my powers of description–to my ability to breathe life into a new locale.

I also get to mine all the feelings I get from traveling. I’m so inspired by new places, new people, and getting away from my everyday life. I hope that, as a writer, I can bring some of that freshness and inspiration to my characters and to my plots, so that my readers may enjoy them vicariously.

I know I’m really lucky that I get to travel the way I do, and I love being able to spread some of that luck around. It doesn’t hurt that I enjoy a tax deduction, either.

So I’ve talked way too much about me in this post. How do you guys feel about fleet-footed, travel-happy protagonists? Do you like being with them on their adventures? Do you think settings are better the more exotic they are, or do you prefer your characters staying at home, where characters belong? Or is there anywhere you ever visited that you feel inspired you in some way? Let’s talk about settings, folks!

First of all, do you like how I riffed on Jaye’s title? Didja? Didja didja? Huh?

That’s why I make the big bucks. *flexes*

Of course, when I read Jaye’s post, I had my usual thought when I read the word “romance.” It goes something like this . . .

“Romance Schmomance. What about the sex?”

What can I say. I’m that guy.

Seriously, though, I think that the settings and worldbuilding that Jaye describes in her post help not only to define urban fantasy as focused on more than romance, they also mean that UF authors can’t always make relationships all that romantic. After all, if a character is in love with another character, but there’s a war going on, chances are they’re not going to slip away for a candlelit dinner.

Meanwhile, in UF, there’s usually a war going on. My characters have been at war from the beginning, although they didn’t know it. Jaye’s characters are on the verge of war, or have forever been fighting a cold war, depending on how you look at it. In fact, most UF series I can think of feature a war, or at least a fuck ton of violence.

(I’m going to start swearing now, so if you’re not into swearing, I’d look away. Or you may have to bleach your eyes.)

The fact is, a lot of character development happens in UF through two forms of action: fuckin’ and fightin’. Our characters have to fight, a lot. Jane started out all soft and sweet, and now she’s all, “BRING IT, BITCHES.” But is that all she’s become?

Of course not. At heart, she’s still my sweet Jane, although her opportunities to show her soft side are growing fewer and fewer, as altercations escalate. So when is she able to be sweet?

You guessed it . . . when she’s fuckin’.

The problem is, as Modernists such as Hemingway articulated so beautifully, war and romance don’t make for good bedfellows. War makes us want the bedfellows part, as we’re afraid we’re going to bite the big one any minute. War also makes us feel so intensely, so that attractions form and dissolve with the intensity of tectonic shifts. Unfortunately, it’s hard to recreate those shattering emotions of wartime during peacetime. Which means that just as Jake pines after Brett who pines after everyone else, I’m afraid UF characters often do quite a bit of bonin’, but we rarely see a white wedding.*

(And by “afraid,” I mean I’m abso-fricking-lutely delighted.)

But think of the opportunities both fighting and sex give us, as authors and readers of urban fantasy. Think of the character development. We get to see just how far these characters are willing to go, both on the battlefield and in the bedroom. We get to see characters who have to be guarded all the time finally let those shields down with their lovers, and then ratchet them right back up for war. Their ability, or inability, to do these things teaches us so much about them. And then there’s the physical acts: how a character fights, what weapons she uses, whether she fights dirty, if she’s merciful. Then we shift to the bedroom (or the floor, or kitchen table, or cave, or tent) and suddenly we see how she touches her partner, how she takes off all that armor (both literal and figurative), and whether or not she’s really open to pleasure after so much pain.

Epic fantasy often doesn’t have time for sex, at least not in its classical incarnations. Instead, in many instances we’re supposed to know everything we need to know about characters through their external, public acts: their feats of bravery, the way they face an enemy, the way they die on the battlefield, or the sacrifices they’re willing to make to uphold their honor.

Urban fantasy lets us judge characters on another level besides this public one. It allows us to present our characters in private and at their most vulnerable. Anybody can pick up a sword, but how often do we really offer up our hearts? When I see a character really put herself out there, emotionally, I’m awed at her bravery. And that’s what we get to do, in urban fantasy. We can explore that seductive moment when a character who has no problem wielding a sword against an enemy has, finally, to drop her weapons. In that moment, our heroes become humans. We catch a glimpse of that urge for connection that  makes us great, as well as the courage in pursuing such connections that makes humans true heroes.

True heroes . . . get it? Didja? Didja?

So, yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day. Which, if you think about it, isn’t very Urban Fantasy. I mean, how does one save the world from evil bloodsuckers, or stop a war between lycans and trolls, or do any of the other ridonkulous thing we expect out of our UF heroes and heroines, and still have time to date?

Jaye and I thought that such expectations were too high, so we wanted to give you a more UF-style valentine. Which means MONSTERS! And we’ve roped in our characters Sabina, Giguhl, and Jane to help.

(Yes, this was orginally a Halloween video. Yes, I sort of did a ghetto job making it into a Valentine’s day video. Stop judging, Judgie McJudgerson!)

Hello Babel Clashers!

Hope you’re all having a great Valentine’s Day today.

Aside from being Valentine’s Day, it’s also Monday, which means we need to say farewell to our wonderful steampunk battle royale participants - Jay Lake, Felix Gilman, Mark Hodder, and Tim Akers!  It’s been a great two weeks and instead of declaring a winner, I think it’s safe to say we all won.  Cliche, sure, but oh so true!  Please join me in thanking them for their great blogging! 

Since today is their last day, it’s customary to let our contributors plug away before they make their exit.  Guys, if there’s anything you want to plug - past, present, future, steampunk, non-steampunk, the floor is yours!

Then, when the dust, debris, and zeppelins have cleared, I present you with the triumphant return of Nicole Peeler and Jaye Wells tomorrow!  Happy Valentine’s Day indeed!

Nicole Peeler is the author of the Jane True series, and her latest, Tempest’s Legacy, is on bookshelves now!

Jaye Wells is the author of the Sabina Kane series.  Her latest, Green-Eyed Demon, is on shelves later this month (February 22nd to be exact).

If you were reading the blog the first time Nicole and Jaye graced the blog, I think you know what to expect.  If you’re new to the blog (Hello newcomers by the way!), you’re in for a treat…and a laugh…and maybe some blushing!

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Well, guys, was I right about buckling up or what?  Jaye & Nicole, it has been a laugh riot having you both on Babel Clash.  You’ve made me blush (which is actually quite easy despite the fact that I come from a long line of sailors) and you’ve made me think.  Jaye, you’ll have to send me a “Destroyer of the Innocent” business card once you’ve had them made.  Nicole, I don’t think we’ve ever had quite as sensational of a final post as yours.  Cheers, ladies!

Next up, we’ll be going for a zombie apocalypse theme as we welcome Mira Grant & Jesse Petersen!

Mira Grant’s Feed envisions a world in which we’ve cured cancer and the common cold, but created something far more deadly in the process.  This new virus slowly takes over bodies and minds with one simple instruction: FEED.

Jesse Petersen’s Married with Zombies, on the other hand tells the story of Sarah & David, a couple on the verge of divorce and in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.  Will the couple that slays together stay together?

Welcome to Babel Clash, Mira & Jesse!

Because I love it when they do! I gotta admit: I’m a swearer, as is Jane. I sometimes wonder how I got such a potty mouth, then I go home and watch as various members of my family drop F-bombs like they’re pilots during the Blitz. It’s like I was raised by a horde of Midwestern pirates prone to stubbing their toes. Cover your ears if you go to the Peeler’s, people.

So, I don’t mind swearing, and I’ve already established I adore a little filth. I also like it when people poke fun at sex, because it is funny, and I have Jane’s libido say some purposely ridiculous things. What I don’t enjoy is when people mean the F-word…and then they say something else. You know what I’m talking about.

The Dreaded Euphemism.

Now, I get it that writers have to be careful. An author writing a sensual scene might not want to risk sounding porny by going all Lawrentian and throwing about the “C” word. There are also a lot of times when a softer, more subtle approach that closes the door gently in the reader’s face works wonders for the imagination as well as the libido.

What I don’t like is when people write what’s pretty intense sex…but don’t use a single “real” word. Instead, they attempt to disguise their writing in euphemisms, as if sex and sexuality need to be stuck in evening dress to be presentable. Here are just a smattering of my least favorite, fairly commonly used euphemisms. Huge thanks to my friends on Facebook and Twitter for helping me compile this list:

Firstly, there’s the “garden variety” euphemism. I don’t know about you, but I sometimes wonder why I want to start planting flowers after I read some sex scenes. Then I remember that “petals” are now labia, which have been described as drenched in “dew.” “Rosebuds” have taken over for bits that are anything but(t). Other people have reported spotting “purple tulips,” “aching buds,” and “nests.” But not the kind sparrows live in! Finally, there’s the dreaded “manroot.”

Then there’s the group of euphemisms that I normally associate with jewelry, but what do I know? Clitori becomes “pearls,” which are not to be confused with “beaded,” as in nipples, unless they ARE confused, and then you should just go ahead and rub everything vaguely pointy. But be careful, in case the nipples are “rubies,” or “diamonds,” or “pebbles.” Fruity pebbles?

And where do I begin with the Weapons-Grade Euphemism? “Swords” fit in “sheathes,” but not so much the “lances.” They just poke at high speeds, presumably. As do “shafts.” “Torpedos?” Really? But I’ll take a torpedo, any day, over a “battering ram” charging at my “gates.”

Finally, and this is where I always get a little squicked, there’s the adjectives. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that describing sex shouldn’t always be scientific, and I know that a lot of words of which I’m not a fan will push another person’s love-nubbin-of-pleasure. But here’s a short list of words I’m either tired of seeing, or a little squicked out by:

• Throbbing. Do you need an Advil, for the love of all that’s holy?
• Pulsating (see above)
• Fleshy. Does one ever grasp the thing described this way and discover, to one’s shock, it’s TITANIUM?
• Oozing. I know things ooze. I know it’s accurate. But there’s the whole “connection to sores” thing.
• Straining! I see puppies. Happy, frolicsome puppies.
• Turgid. Turgid Turnips Turnabout!
• Spicy. Nothing ever described as “spicy” really tastes “spicy.” Ever. So don’t go thinking you can make a curry.
• Moist! That is all.

And then there’s my absolute LEAST favorite . . . the thing that makes me both vomit, a little, in my mouth AND makes me crave some chips and dip . . .

• Creamy.

I can taste the cool ranch, even now. Now where DID I put those Lays?

How about you guys? What euphemisms have you read, heard, or (gods forbid) said that really knocked you for six?

I love how Nicole is an unapologetic hedonist. It’s one of my favorite things about her and her books. But me? Well. I grew up Catholic. Which means we did everything everyone else does only we felt guilty about it.  Which also means I have a lot of fun playing with moral conflicts and grey areas in my books. But that’s a blog for another day.

Anyway… You won’t find a lot of guilt-free orgiastic sex in my books. Yet. But you know what you will find a lot of? Guilt-free violence. Which, when you think about it, isn’t always that different from sex. Especially when one is writing about an assassin with a major jones for blood who hasn’t been laid in a quarter century. Or a horny — yeah that pun is intended — Mischief demon who takes out his sexual frustrations in an underground Demon Fight Club. (Which is not to be confused with Hairless Cat Fight Club, featured right).

With that in mind, I thought I’d mix it up a little today and give you:

Jaye’s Guide to Writing Sex and Violence, Or Both of These Things are a Lot Like the Other

7. The same music can get you, the writer, in the mood for either activity. Try Nine Inch Nails’ Pretty Hate Machine. It’s a classic for a reason, people.

6. Both types of scenes are best when the characters can really let themselves go. Worrying about the faces they’re making isn’t conducive to either getting or kicking some ass.

5. I don’t give a crap what the critics say, both activities are only enhanced by stilettos. Leave the sensible shoes at home.

4. Is it me or is it a coincidence so many weapons are shaped like phalluses? Phallusi?

3. Rage and lust are kissing cousins. The wise Perry Farrell said, “Sex is violent.” And for some characters, violence is sexual. Not always. Not every character. But you should establish this during foreplay (pre-writing) or risk leaving your characters (and readers) unsatisfied.

2. If you’re doing it right, both sex and fight scenes involve copious body fluids.

Also? And there’s a reason this is no. 1, people, so pay attention.

1. Both are most satisfying with a noisy climax.

So there you have it. I was going to come up with ten reasons, but then I decided that to leave the last few spots up to you guys. Anyone else want to opine about how sex scenes and fight scenes are alike?

Also, I’ll leave you with proof that while my books may be violent, Nicole Peeler is the more violent author in real life. Never. Ever. Turn your back on Dr. Peeler. You’ve been warned.