Babel Clash

Thank you for listening to me natter on this past week. I had a really great time.

Scott and I are going to leave you with a final set of posts. We had similar opinions on so many of the questions you put to us that it was difficult, but we finally found something to disagreed about! And so, without further ado, I give you the ten reasons why I believe that robots are better than monkeys:

1. Once, in a temple in Malaysia, I was set on by monkeys. A week later, when I was in a high-rise hotel in Japan, a robot climbed the building to wash my windows. I think it’s clear which experience is preferable.

(photo ganked from Japanese Tourism video)

2. Giant Robot battles would be the best sport ever. If there were giant robot battles, I would start watching ESPN. Seriously.

3. We share a common ancestor with monkeys (well, apes), so you would think that I would cut them a little slack. But no! They’re like the obnoxious relative that shows up at family parties and really brings down the tone.  They remind us of the past — and of our own embarrassments.  Robots are our perfected selves. All super-ego, no id.  They remind us of our future!

(photo ganked from here)

4. Robots are our friends.  And they make excellent friends.  They never mind sharing — in fact, they can be programmed to be the kind of friend who is entirely selfless, always listening carefully, never criticizing, never forgetting birthdays, and always agreeing to go to the restaurant that you want.

(photo ganked from here)

5.  Robots can be smokin’ hot.  Monkeys, not so much.

6.  Robots can be as different from one another as your imagination allows.  This guy, for instance, built an enormous beetle robot — just to build one.  Look at that thing. It’s huge. And awesome.  Then there are the tiny robots.  So cute!

7.  Robots have been the subject of lots of amazing literature and films.  From Isaac Asimov to Tanith Lee to Robin Wasserman, everyone loves writing about a robot.  And then think of just a few of the many fine movies:  Metropolis.  The Day the Earth Stood Still. Devil Girl from Mars. WALL-E.  I guess from a certain perspective you could argue that monkeys gave us all of literature, but, well, I’m not making that argument.

8.  Robots will build things so that we don’t have to.  They will take endless pictures of the craters of Mars.  They will work on a canning line.  They will do dangerous things and things that are physically impossible for us, like getting soil samples inside of a volcano, so that we can have a better quality of life or at least spend more time lazing in front of our televisions.  Thanks, robots!

(photo ganked from here)

9.  They will vacuum under our beds, wash our floors, and clean our gutters.

10.  And sure, someday they will overthrow us to create a utopia of logic where they sing songs like this one:

Robot Song

But until they achieve sentience, they’re perfect!

Thank you again for having me! Please check out Zombies vs. Unicorns. And please check out my new novel, White Cat, which comes out in paperback February 8th, mere days from now!  I promise you a mad, mobster fairy tale!

Related posts:

• Ten Reasons Why Monkeys Are Better than Robots
  Hey, it’s been fun guest blogging here at Babel Clash. But it’s time to say goodnight. For our last trick, Holly and I are debating the next great issue of our times: Monkeys Versus Robots! Here’s her attempt at making the cold, metal-skinned half of that equation sound superior. But...
• Ten Reasons Why Unicorns Are Better than Zombies
  Hi, I’m really excited to be here at Babel Clash! Those who know me from my other novels, dark urban fantasies involving wicked faeries, crime, and homeless kids living in subway tunnels might wonder about my love of the unicorn, no less my editing the unicorn side of ZOMBIES VS....