Babel Clash

In a way, this whole Zombies Versus Unicorns thing is a bit unfair. After all, unicorns are just creatures. Zombies are more like . . . a scenario.

Here’s what I mean: all it takes is one zombie-patient-zero and Kaboom, the world is crumbling! And with that world crumbles all those annoying things that make the world go round. No taxes, no homework, no bills to pay. As I’ve said elsewhere, it’s like one big snow day forever, but with better weather.

And unlike a normal snow day, there’s no one around to stop you from riding a motorcycle down the hallways of your old high school, or letting the lions out of the zoo, or having chocolate pancakes for breakfast. Moreover, all the stuff is yours. All the cars abandoned on the street, all the fur coats in the mall, all the bling in the shop windows, all of it is yours!

Pretty sweet, and all for the low, low price of being stalked by a few billion ravening undead. And come on, they aren’t ravening that quickly. You can get away, as long as you keep your wits about you.

Really, the zombies are just there to make sure you don’t get bored.

In short, what I like about zombies is the way they change the world. They make it a playground, half wish fulfillment fantasy of owning the world and half wish fulfillment fantasy of shooting lots of easy-to-shoot things with really awesome guns.

But here’s the secret thing that makes zombies extra cool: They don’t even have to show up to make the world fabulous. Even here in the pre-zombie-apocalypse, the very idea of zombies makes things more interesting.

The first time I thought about this (out loud, anyway) was while touring Frank Lloyd Wright’s house Taliesin, back in 2005. As I blogged then, there’s nothing to bring architectural masterpieces to life like determining their suitability as anti-zombie strongholds. As I toured Taliesin with my imaginary shotgun, all of Wright’s elegants sightlines suddenly became crucial defense point against a shambling invasion, his stone walls felt more solid, his low ceilings more claustrophobic.

See what’s missing? Zombies. (Photo by Doselle Young.)

Like I said, zombies aren’t just a creature, they’re a situation. And as such they can make any other situation more fun.

Can unicorns do that? I don’t think so.

Anyway, see here to read more about the zombie-proofness of Taliesin, and the next time you’re bored on an architectural or museum tour, just add zombies.

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